i dage er det whitneys fødselsdag
hoorah, hoorah, hoorah!
hun sikkert sig en gave får
som hun har unsket sig i år
med dejlig chokolade og kage til!
it's the danish birthday song, oh how i love it!
so yesterday, 06/19/09 was my birthday, so i should tell you all about it, eh?
first of all, i didn't have to work, so sleeping in was in order and i didn't have to stand for 5 hours or so trying to sell stuff.
i woke up around 9:30 and got to open all the stuff from my family; jordo gave me a gift card to barnes and noble, nicholas gave me the beauty and the beast soundtrack, the parents gave me $200 towards the most amazing camera ever.
that's right; i treated my bad self to a new camera, called the nikon coolpix p90. it's so beautiful!!
it looks like a fancy slr camera, only it's digital; the lens zooms out like a telescope and i can control the apiture and shutter speed like a pro. it even came w/ a neck strap! <3 so now i need to build a decent-sized portfolio so i can start potentially taking pictures as part of a side job i suppose. weeee! <3
i didn't really do anything remarkable; i basically didn't do things i hate, like working slow hours @ brookstone (sort of boring, but good that i have a job!) and i didn't even exercize! i did today, though. haha. i also worked a little w/ my book, always a good thing. it was just nice relaxing and spending time w/ the family AND having the most perfect camera in the world, basically. not so good being $300 short, though, haha. that's right; the camera rung up $500 total! that's the bag and new memory card and protection plan mixed in there.
for dinner we went to ihop and had breakfast, which is a step into the out-of-ordinary. what can i say? i'm a sucker for delicious pancakes.
so here's some of my musings. i'm super happy that it's my birthday because i feel like a kid sister a lot in the singles ward because i was 18, it's like being 14 and a beehive all over again; everyone i know here in kansas (who are a buttload of fun) are in their early 20s; either back from their mission or will soon turn in their papers, and i still don't have my driver's licence! (never fear; I SHALL HAVE IT NEXT TUESDAY) so basically it feels good NOT to be 18 anymore, even though it was the most memorable and exciting year of my life, my 16th coming in #2 (hell-oo, dating the guy of my dreams? definite plus!) the number 18 was very good to me, although it is that awkward age of being a quasi-kid/adult. i guess the key is to ACT like you're older than you are; i think i'm pretty good @ acting like i'm 20, but that's just me. :)
so you're going to have to see the pictures on facebook, flickr, webshots, deviantart or all the above for new pictures, okay? thanks to everyone who remembered me on my 19th birthday!
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
i'm employed; defying gravity!
so YES i'm employed! :)
i walked into brookstone and browsed all their random gadgets and now i find myself an employee there! i get to pester people while they browse and play w/ all the toys, then persuade them w/ my persuasion to buy things and then work cashier when they've been persuaded. :)
it's in the mall, so that makes me VERY happy. i get to work @ the mall! i signed a bunch of papers and then went to new your & company and got some classy blank pants and a button-up baby blue shirt as part of my uniform. *dazzling* i look super sophisticated; hopefully i'll get enough money to survive another year of college, plus buy the camera of my dreams! *sigh*
but it was fun; i went w/ my mom because i'm still working on my driver's license. can you believe i'm still w/o a license? it's so annoying to explain, believe me. we were strolling along and i said something that made my mom laugh and she actually gave me a shoulder hug and said, "i'm proud of you," which, for one, i didn't expect, and second, made me feel all grown up and proud of what i've accomplished. i've done so much and been through so much already, and between you and me, i can't wait to start classes again!
and breaking news! a couple weeks ago, i got FIVE letters from travis. that's right, the five letters or so that i've been waiting for since january. i know it sounds like so few letters for such a long time, but some of them were resent so that i would get them. i'll try to explain. there was an issue w/ my email, something about whoever emails travis' letters to me for some reason was tripped up by all my '_' in my email, so i made a new one w/o them for him to write to. i tried at first to make one w/ yahoo! (like my old one) but i thought it never went through, or worked. then i made one w/ msn.com and that worked. however, travis thought my email was yahoo! so all his letters went to this email i thought didn't work! but when i logged in, there they were! it wasn't how i thought it was! i just thought that it was something to do w/ our relationship, but it was all a matter of miscommunication! once he found out what REALLY happened, he was really really sorry, even though it wasn't 100% his fault. even though things are going well, i still miss him a lot and i don't know if i can tell him so.
i walked into brookstone and browsed all their random gadgets and now i find myself an employee there! i get to pester people while they browse and play w/ all the toys, then persuade them w/ my persuasion to buy things and then work cashier when they've been persuaded. :)
it's in the mall, so that makes me VERY happy. i get to work @ the mall! i signed a bunch of papers and then went to new your & company and got some classy blank pants and a button-up baby blue shirt as part of my uniform. *dazzling* i look super sophisticated; hopefully i'll get enough money to survive another year of college, plus buy the camera of my dreams! *sigh*
but it was fun; i went w/ my mom because i'm still working on my driver's license. can you believe i'm still w/o a license? it's so annoying to explain, believe me. we were strolling along and i said something that made my mom laugh and she actually gave me a shoulder hug and said, "i'm proud of you," which, for one, i didn't expect, and second, made me feel all grown up and proud of what i've accomplished. i've done so much and been through so much already, and between you and me, i can't wait to start classes again!
and breaking news! a couple weeks ago, i got FIVE letters from travis. that's right, the five letters or so that i've been waiting for since january. i know it sounds like so few letters for such a long time, but some of them were resent so that i would get them. i'll try to explain. there was an issue w/ my email, something about whoever emails travis' letters to me for some reason was tripped up by all my '_' in my email, so i made a new one w/o them for him to write to. i tried at first to make one w/ yahoo! (like my old one) but i thought it never went through, or worked. then i made one w/ msn.com and that worked. however, travis thought my email was yahoo! so all his letters went to this email i thought didn't work! but when i logged in, there they were! it wasn't how i thought it was! i just thought that it was something to do w/ our relationship, but it was all a matter of miscommunication! once he found out what REALLY happened, he was really really sorry, even though it wasn't 100% his fault. even though things are going well, i still miss him a lot and i don't know if i can tell him so.
Monday, May 18, 2009
hello my name is: unemployed
ha, so i'm still looking for jobs, and it sucks because it's taking way longer than i thought.
however, i DID have a job interview for Brookstone, a little gadget store in the mall, and a mini interview for Jo-Ann Fabrics. so i'm not completely hopeless, but on the edge of my seat waiting my phone to ring. both have said they'll call me soon (as in tommorrow-ish) about whether or not i'm hired and i really hope i am, because this is the closest i've gotten to being employed for--what?--three or so weeks now!
i also might have a s-WEET job lined up for me in orem, ut when i get back as a danish translator! amazing, right? all three of these jobs were "right place, right time" sort of jobs. i'm happy i've got some sort of lead, but i still hope and dream of working at the BYU bookstore *dreamy sigh*
oh. and i'm getting my wisdom teeth yanked out on the 28th and i don't know what to think about THAT. *shivers slightly* the doc said i might swell and bruise more than normal because of my whiteness, ugh. so i'm looking forward to trying to get a job, then asking for time off to get wisdom teeth out. yay...?
so that's that. i also have my hopes and dreams set on buying a new camera from best buy, the best camera i've seen (that isn't an awesome SLR camera that i want for $899) but i don't know if i should wait until i have a job or just buy the darn thing now. it'll take out a fair chunk, for the memory card, case (and a neck strap!!!) so i'll have to see...
however, i DID have a job interview for Brookstone, a little gadget store in the mall, and a mini interview for Jo-Ann Fabrics. so i'm not completely hopeless, but on the edge of my seat waiting my phone to ring. both have said they'll call me soon (as in tommorrow-ish) about whether or not i'm hired and i really hope i am, because this is the closest i've gotten to being employed for--what?--three or so weeks now!
i also might have a s-WEET job lined up for me in orem, ut when i get back as a danish translator! amazing, right? all three of these jobs were "right place, right time" sort of jobs. i'm happy i've got some sort of lead, but i still hope and dream of working at the BYU bookstore *dreamy sigh*
oh. and i'm getting my wisdom teeth yanked out on the 28th and i don't know what to think about THAT. *shivers slightly* the doc said i might swell and bruise more than normal because of my whiteness, ugh. so i'm looking forward to trying to get a job, then asking for time off to get wisdom teeth out. yay...?
so that's that. i also have my hopes and dreams set on buying a new camera from best buy, the best camera i've seen (that isn't an awesome SLR camera that i want for $899) but i don't know if i should wait until i have a job or just buy the darn thing now. it'll take out a fair chunk, for the memory card, case (and a neck strap!!!) so i'll have to see...
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
twiddling thumbs
okay, so i wonder if i should take back what i said a couple weeks ago when i said, "i'm tired of being busy doing all this crap." because i have no crap to be busy w/. i have NOTHING to do!
last wednesday i was officially done packing and cleaning and out of my apartment and stayed at my aunt's house in west jordan before flying home on thursday. ever since, i've been applying for jobs, at least 11 positions i can think of on top of my head and as of now i'm basically waiting for any form of contact from someone for a job interview. ugh, and they say the interviews are stressful; it takes an arm and a leg to actually get there!
i kind of feel weird about being here in kansas. the boys still have school and all their cute afterschool activities, dad works and mom is busy being mom, of course leaving me and my new roomate, zelda the cat nothing to do but sleep in forever and wake up to do nothing.
in reality: i really want a job. i want to be busy and useful again. i know these sort of vacations are short lived, but i get more done when there's actually more to be done!
and another thing; all the people who said they would "miss me" haven't even dropped me an email or a simple wall message on facebook since i've left. i guess some people are just too good at saying good bye. :/
however, i will admit that my bunkmate is on her honeymoon, so i'm not expecting a hi from her in like, MONTHS, (hahaha) and my roomate ali called me last night which definitely boosted my spirits. carolina, my friend i met in germany, going to school in the states still has time to talk to me, even though she's still in school. hmmmmm....
so there you have it; i miss school already and i want to do soemthing with my life and not wasting it. and if i have all this time, it'd be super nice to get a phone call from someone for once instead of initiating every friendship i have.
last wednesday i was officially done packing and cleaning and out of my apartment and stayed at my aunt's house in west jordan before flying home on thursday. ever since, i've been applying for jobs, at least 11 positions i can think of on top of my head and as of now i'm basically waiting for any form of contact from someone for a job interview. ugh, and they say the interviews are stressful; it takes an arm and a leg to actually get there!
i kind of feel weird about being here in kansas. the boys still have school and all their cute afterschool activities, dad works and mom is busy being mom, of course leaving me and my new roomate, zelda the cat nothing to do but sleep in forever and wake up to do nothing.
in reality: i really want a job. i want to be busy and useful again. i know these sort of vacations are short lived, but i get more done when there's actually more to be done!
and another thing; all the people who said they would "miss me" haven't even dropped me an email or a simple wall message on facebook since i've left. i guess some people are just too good at saying good bye. :/
however, i will admit that my bunkmate is on her honeymoon, so i'm not expecting a hi from her in like, MONTHS, (hahaha) and my roomate ali called me last night which definitely boosted my spirits. carolina, my friend i met in germany, going to school in the states still has time to talk to me, even though she's still in school. hmmmmm....
so there you have it; i miss school already and i want to do soemthing with my life and not wasting it. and if i have all this time, it'd be super nice to get a phone call from someone for once instead of initiating every friendship i have.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
on a happier note.
so here's an update; hooray i'm not psycho anymore! :)
no, i actually felt so much better; i just wrote away and i pretty much got over it. *shrugs* college.
so let me try to catch up:
1. i got a calling--i'm a ward missionary! i get to teach apartments in my ward about being cool member missionaries and i volunteer @ the MTC. that's right, the MTC! it sort of feels like sin; we walk around w/ visitor badges (my companion and i wear church clothes) around all these impressionable missionaries, hehee. ;P just kidding...there's still only one elder on my mind.
2. still no letter from him, but i'm told i should get one soon. pray for me, k!
3. i'm practically fluent in danish (7 months, baby!) and practically crappy in deutsch (meine gute!)
4. i'm basically plodding along w/ my book; next fall i'll start working on my major classes and i'm excited on taking a class called, "writing for children and adolescents." YAY! they even have classes/workshops on publishing. i have this goal of writing "the end" on my novel by the time i start school fall '09. wish me luck!
5. the family came to visit and they brought the sunshine and warmth, then it snowed when they left! it was fun seeing everyone; we took lots of pictures and i got to show everyone "my turf" :)
6. i went to the temple alone the other day; i took the bus and spent lots of time to myself. SUCH a wonderful day.
7. i got to see the draper temple dedication--my first one ever. we didn't have any hankies to wave during the Hosanna shout, so mary volunteered her white "shade" t-shirt!
8. ali has a new bf, erik. HALLA-FREAKIN-LUJAH!
9. i might get my dream job this summer; working @ barnes & noble! wish me luck!
10. i have more time for tai-bo, so i feel really good--i got new pants because the pants are getting a lil' baggy! :P
11. okay, okay don't get me wrong, i really do love my roomates; kylie is super stressed w/ her wedding at the end of this month (i can't go! i lost my bridesmaid status!) and i feel horrible because i can't help her at all.
12. i've started cleaning out crap i need to chuck in my closet. it's sort of depressing trying to pack things up. note: try to be the last one to move into the apartment because you'll avoid buying dishes! :P i leave for kansas april 23rd.
13. i secretly want my aunt to take my shannon hale books (princess academy, goose girl, ect) to barnes and noble that day for her to sign. i love her!
14. i'm so proud of my '09 friends! congrats on all your acceptances! i can't wait to see some of you here on campus!
15. i've discovered from my roomates that i'm pretty assertive, loyal and a "take-no-crap" kind of girl. BOO-YAH! i guess i know how i feel, and i don't like being pushed around, anymore.
16. i've nearly survived my freshman year of college--AND I'M NOT ENGAGED! the closer i am to 21, the more i want to be a sister missionary. you betta bulieve it.
17. IF YOU HAVEN'T WRITTEN ME IN A WHILE-DO IT! i miss you all terribly. i wanna know how you're life is and how you're doing, okay?
so that's about it; not much dating (ehh...no dating, actually. lots of cute boys, though) much studying (not for long) and...i'll be writing more often. i don't even know why i tried to catch up; there's so much fun things to do in college! when i graduated i thought nothing would be like highschool; i was the cream of the crop, the cat's meow, everyone knew me (and hopefully liked me!) and i could still talk to travis weekly. i didn't really believe people when they said college was more fun. THEY'RE RIGHT. there's WAY less drama, i promise! i love college perks. the only problem is figuring out which boys you can flirt w/ and who's engaged. ask first, okay, girls? no ring=no boundaries. ;)
i'm still around, dudes!
no, i actually felt so much better; i just wrote away and i pretty much got over it. *shrugs* college.
so let me try to catch up:
1. i got a calling--i'm a ward missionary! i get to teach apartments in my ward about being cool member missionaries and i volunteer @ the MTC. that's right, the MTC! it sort of feels like sin; we walk around w/ visitor badges (my companion and i wear church clothes) around all these impressionable missionaries, hehee. ;P just kidding...there's still only one elder on my mind.
2. still no letter from him, but i'm told i should get one soon. pray for me, k!
3. i'm practically fluent in danish (7 months, baby!) and practically crappy in deutsch (meine gute!)
4. i'm basically plodding along w/ my book; next fall i'll start working on my major classes and i'm excited on taking a class called, "writing for children and adolescents." YAY! they even have classes/workshops on publishing. i have this goal of writing "the end" on my novel by the time i start school fall '09. wish me luck!
5. the family came to visit and they brought the sunshine and warmth, then it snowed when they left! it was fun seeing everyone; we took lots of pictures and i got to show everyone "my turf" :)
6. i went to the temple alone the other day; i took the bus and spent lots of time to myself. SUCH a wonderful day.
7. i got to see the draper temple dedication--my first one ever. we didn't have any hankies to wave during the Hosanna shout, so mary volunteered her white "shade" t-shirt!
8. ali has a new bf, erik. HALLA-FREAKIN-LUJAH!
9. i might get my dream job this summer; working @ barnes & noble! wish me luck!
10. i have more time for tai-bo, so i feel really good--i got new pants because the pants are getting a lil' baggy! :P
11. okay, okay don't get me wrong, i really do love my roomates; kylie is super stressed w/ her wedding at the end of this month (i can't go! i lost my bridesmaid status!) and i feel horrible because i can't help her at all.
12. i've started cleaning out crap i need to chuck in my closet. it's sort of depressing trying to pack things up. note: try to be the last one to move into the apartment because you'll avoid buying dishes! :P i leave for kansas april 23rd.
13. i secretly want my aunt to take my shannon hale books (princess academy, goose girl, ect) to barnes and noble that day for her to sign. i love her!
14. i'm so proud of my '09 friends! congrats on all your acceptances! i can't wait to see some of you here on campus!
15. i've discovered from my roomates that i'm pretty assertive, loyal and a "take-no-crap" kind of girl. BOO-YAH! i guess i know how i feel, and i don't like being pushed around, anymore.
16. i've nearly survived my freshman year of college--AND I'M NOT ENGAGED! the closer i am to 21, the more i want to be a sister missionary. you betta bulieve it.
17. IF YOU HAVEN'T WRITTEN ME IN A WHILE-DO IT! i miss you all terribly. i wanna know how you're life is and how you're doing, okay?
so that's about it; not much dating (ehh...no dating, actually. lots of cute boys, though) much studying (not for long) and...i'll be writing more often. i don't even know why i tried to catch up; there's so much fun things to do in college! when i graduated i thought nothing would be like highschool; i was the cream of the crop, the cat's meow, everyone knew me (and hopefully liked me!) and i could still talk to travis weekly. i didn't really believe people when they said college was more fun. THEY'RE RIGHT. there's WAY less drama, i promise! i love college perks. the only problem is figuring out which boys you can flirt w/ and who's engaged. ask first, okay, girls? no ring=no boundaries. ;)
i'm still around, dudes!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
not the greatest
sorry for those who actually opened this; i just need to vent, so just skip this entry.
things ARE good for me; i'm not stressed about school, the first thing people would think would bother me. in fact, right now, it feels like the only thing going my way.
i feel underappreciated. you heard me; i feel like everyone could care less about how i feel about everything. kylie leaves our room in disarray the very day we spend picking it up; i hate her clothes, all of them! even now, her church clothes lie at the foot of her closet and i just want to take a lighter to her closet. she doesn't even wear 1/2 the stuff in there! i feel guilty when i snap at her, but c'mon; how fast can you create chaos? she is also lousy at keeping promises ("i'll pick up my clothes this afternoon after classes, okay?") yeah, right.
if no one likes my opinion--why ask for it? i wonder. i mean, ali decided to take a bath tonight and sat in our living room in a towel and pondered, "if dakota (kylie's fiancee) were to walk in, who would be in the wrong; me or him?" and everyone agreed that it would be his fault, since he was coming in our apartment--but everyone had a problem w/ the fact that i felt that BOTH would be in the wrong, or at least ali. first of all, it's not like he would know before coming in, and she's friggin soaking up the couch w/ her wet hair! get some clothes, jeez! we all signed the honor code, saying that we would keep our standards everywhere we go; that includes our house, for corn sake. i don't walk around in spaghetti straps inviting trouble, do i?
back to feeling unappreciated. EVERYONE QUIT BORROWING MY FOOD! i refuse to allow anyone use any of my food anymore; i can't take it anymore! every time i turn around, someone needs cooking oil, cooking spray, milk, eggs, and no one pays me back or repays me in any way. i constantly do stuff for everyone, like buying valentine's day candy for each of them on valentine's day and i get S-Q-U-A-T. i get nothing in return except for a "awww, that nice." which means, "i hope a thank you will suffice."
and it's sad that i feel this way, because in a few months i won't see any of them because i'll be going home for the summer. i feel torn, because i don't want to go home and be socially extinct and not do anything fun (i know no one my age in kansas) but i can't stand living here. college is fun, but everyone is sending me over the edge! kylie is too nice and too messy, mary and kortney are all play and no helping keep our apartment clean (think dirty dishes) and ali is MOPING like she'll never be normal again.
AAAAHHHH! GET OVER CHAD WHY DON'T YOU! i keep thinking that she's over chad and then she brings up the whole break up story again and again AND AGAIN! if she only knew how lame she sounds all the time. she keeps telling everyone the whole story. is it for attention? pity? eveyrone will thing of her as the depressed girl w/ that sort of introduction. "hi my name is alexandra humble and i can't get over a breakup." YES. i know it's difficult and i'd never want to go through w/ it, but C'MON! talking about this millions of times will not solve your desert of a social life! put some clothes on and get a life! ugh!
today at church i wore a dress i don't normally wear, and a flower in my hair. so many girls noticed and complimented me, almost like throwing up flattery. i felt so...weird. i truly miss people noticing me and my feelings. well, i take that back. if i so much as frown, kylie badgers me w/ "whitney what's wrong?? wanna talk about it?? should dakota give you a blessing???" GET AWAY WILL YA?! when i'm upset i don't need her annoying me any further. well, now you can call me a hypocrite, but she repeats her advice or opinions endlessly so i've heard the suggestions and sympathy ten times already, so she doesn't count.
is it possible that they're stressing me out? i'd like to think it's just me, but this feelings have gone on for too long. i just want to hang out w/ my old circl of friends, the people that actually made me feel cherished and loved. i feel like a used welcome mat--just borrow my stuff and leave thankless, i won't mind! no worries! not a problem! >:(
i feel the most comfortable in my danish class. i recieve daily laughs and compliments from them because we're all trying to learn and my danish teacher and our class are all so close. we get along so well, we even have nicknames for each other (i'm wibeke [vee-bi-kuh]) we have all these inside jokes and i truly feel like i'm a part of a family, almost.
i feel like doing nothing for no one, like i deserve to kick everyone to the curb. i have no secret place to cry. no hiding place to hide my face. no one could give a rat's tail about my feelings.
and it's been months since travis has sent me a letter. what's wrong w/ me? why can't i just get over this? why do i have to be so nice and play fair? i try to remember other's birthdays when others find out on facebook. i vaccum when it's not my week to do so. i share my friggin food and cooking supplies. i spend hours listening to ali vent over chad and whether or not her study partner might potentially like her (he carries a friggin pocket knife and looks like a bouncer; i don't like him in our house, especially if it were to be all the time like a steady bf)
and let me just say it again; everyone disregards or hates my opinion unless it is in synce w/ theirs. ali, you asked if anyone would be PMSing this week (you bet she asked us that!) WELL. i don't know if i'm PMSing, but steer clear from me if you want your head still attached to your shoulders, i might rip it off or something. don't think i'm kidding, eh?
i don't know what to do. i can't avoid my own apartment. i can't ignore everyone or stay in my room or even tell them how i feel. like i said, no one cares enough. i feel like my feeling glaze over kortney and mary. all they think about are themselves, really. kylie is too busy babying sheridan because she's been sick and ali, bless her soul, can't think of other people's problems, she can't even let go of her own issues. psh.
i don't even know why i'm posting this. i'm not depressed or suicidal or anything. i'm just fed up. mad. angry. fizzed out. today is the straw that broke the camel's back. i don't need your sympathy, i don't need apologies, i just need someone to friggin treat me like i exist and i matter. treat me like you respect me, my feelings and MY FOOD. if you can't comply then don't talk to me, i can't waste my time on fake-os. i've got school on the brain, friends i miss from home and how i can't even get a missionary to write me. of all things.
i'm like the little mermaid from h.c. andersen's book. i can't show my pain, tell of my frustrations or tell the boy i love how much i miss him because i've agreed to have my tongue cut out and every step to hurt like a thousand knives....
things ARE good for me; i'm not stressed about school, the first thing people would think would bother me. in fact, right now, it feels like the only thing going my way.
i feel underappreciated. you heard me; i feel like everyone could care less about how i feel about everything. kylie leaves our room in disarray the very day we spend picking it up; i hate her clothes, all of them! even now, her church clothes lie at the foot of her closet and i just want to take a lighter to her closet. she doesn't even wear 1/2 the stuff in there! i feel guilty when i snap at her, but c'mon; how fast can you create chaos? she is also lousy at keeping promises ("i'll pick up my clothes this afternoon after classes, okay?") yeah, right.
if no one likes my opinion--why ask for it? i wonder. i mean, ali decided to take a bath tonight and sat in our living room in a towel and pondered, "if dakota (kylie's fiancee) were to walk in, who would be in the wrong; me or him?" and everyone agreed that it would be his fault, since he was coming in our apartment--but everyone had a problem w/ the fact that i felt that BOTH would be in the wrong, or at least ali. first of all, it's not like he would know before coming in, and she's friggin soaking up the couch w/ her wet hair! get some clothes, jeez! we all signed the honor code, saying that we would keep our standards everywhere we go; that includes our house, for corn sake. i don't walk around in spaghetti straps inviting trouble, do i?
back to feeling unappreciated. EVERYONE QUIT BORROWING MY FOOD! i refuse to allow anyone use any of my food anymore; i can't take it anymore! every time i turn around, someone needs cooking oil, cooking spray, milk, eggs, and no one pays me back or repays me in any way. i constantly do stuff for everyone, like buying valentine's day candy for each of them on valentine's day and i get S-Q-U-A-T. i get nothing in return except for a "awww, that nice." which means, "i hope a thank you will suffice."
and it's sad that i feel this way, because in a few months i won't see any of them because i'll be going home for the summer. i feel torn, because i don't want to go home and be socially extinct and not do anything fun (i know no one my age in kansas) but i can't stand living here. college is fun, but everyone is sending me over the edge! kylie is too nice and too messy, mary and kortney are all play and no helping keep our apartment clean (think dirty dishes) and ali is MOPING like she'll never be normal again.
AAAAHHHH! GET OVER CHAD WHY DON'T YOU! i keep thinking that she's over chad and then she brings up the whole break up story again and again AND AGAIN! if she only knew how lame she sounds all the time. she keeps telling everyone the whole story. is it for attention? pity? eveyrone will thing of her as the depressed girl w/ that sort of introduction. "hi my name is alexandra humble and i can't get over a breakup." YES. i know it's difficult and i'd never want to go through w/ it, but C'MON! talking about this millions of times will not solve your desert of a social life! put some clothes on and get a life! ugh!
today at church i wore a dress i don't normally wear, and a flower in my hair. so many girls noticed and complimented me, almost like throwing up flattery. i felt so...weird. i truly miss people noticing me and my feelings. well, i take that back. if i so much as frown, kylie badgers me w/ "whitney what's wrong?? wanna talk about it?? should dakota give you a blessing???" GET AWAY WILL YA?! when i'm upset i don't need her annoying me any further. well, now you can call me a hypocrite, but she repeats her advice or opinions endlessly so i've heard the suggestions and sympathy ten times already, so she doesn't count.
is it possible that they're stressing me out? i'd like to think it's just me, but this feelings have gone on for too long. i just want to hang out w/ my old circl of friends, the people that actually made me feel cherished and loved. i feel like a used welcome mat--just borrow my stuff and leave thankless, i won't mind! no worries! not a problem! >:(
i feel the most comfortable in my danish class. i recieve daily laughs and compliments from them because we're all trying to learn and my danish teacher and our class are all so close. we get along so well, we even have nicknames for each other (i'm wibeke [vee-bi-kuh]) we have all these inside jokes and i truly feel like i'm a part of a family, almost.
i feel like doing nothing for no one, like i deserve to kick everyone to the curb. i have no secret place to cry. no hiding place to hide my face. no one could give a rat's tail about my feelings.
and it's been months since travis has sent me a letter. what's wrong w/ me? why can't i just get over this? why do i have to be so nice and play fair? i try to remember other's birthdays when others find out on facebook. i vaccum when it's not my week to do so. i share my friggin food and cooking supplies. i spend hours listening to ali vent over chad and whether or not her study partner might potentially like her (he carries a friggin pocket knife and looks like a bouncer; i don't like him in our house, especially if it were to be all the time like a steady bf)
and let me just say it again; everyone disregards or hates my opinion unless it is in synce w/ theirs. ali, you asked if anyone would be PMSing this week (you bet she asked us that!) WELL. i don't know if i'm PMSing, but steer clear from me if you want your head still attached to your shoulders, i might rip it off or something. don't think i'm kidding, eh?
i don't know what to do. i can't avoid my own apartment. i can't ignore everyone or stay in my room or even tell them how i feel. like i said, no one cares enough. i feel like my feeling glaze over kortney and mary. all they think about are themselves, really. kylie is too busy babying sheridan because she's been sick and ali, bless her soul, can't think of other people's problems, she can't even let go of her own issues. psh.
i don't even know why i'm posting this. i'm not depressed or suicidal or anything. i'm just fed up. mad. angry. fizzed out. today is the straw that broke the camel's back. i don't need your sympathy, i don't need apologies, i just need someone to friggin treat me like i exist and i matter. treat me like you respect me, my feelings and MY FOOD. if you can't comply then don't talk to me, i can't waste my time on fake-os. i've got school on the brain, friends i miss from home and how i can't even get a missionary to write me. of all things.
i'm like the little mermaid from h.c. andersen's book. i can't show my pain, tell of my frustrations or tell the boy i love how much i miss him because i've agreed to have my tongue cut out and every step to hurt like a thousand knives....
Friday, November 28, 2008
gobble [freakin] gobble
so wow. thanksgivin.' probably the highlight of the month, no doubt
my holiday technically started on tuesday, at approx. 10am because that's when i was home and done w/ school! normally tuesday is a busy day for me because i have homework, a physical science lab (an abomination, if you ask me) and break dance club in the afternoon/evening. but i had the whole day to talk to my brothers and mom on skype--the dew of the gods.
on wednesday ali (my roomate and i) had the whole apartment to ourselves for much of the day; we cleaned up the dishes, kitchen, our bedrooms, ect. so the apartment looked really nice and clean! *sigh* i wonder how long THAT'LL last. we just did practical things like take out the trash so our apartment wouldn't schtink up. *gag* my aunt drove down from West Jordan to pick us up (we were lugging laundry!) and we went to a restaurant only in provo called Brick Oven. it was most excellent. :P
we arrived kinda late at night; it sure felt late because it gets so dark so early now, but it was nice being out of the apartment. well, i needed a break, but ali hasn't left the apartment overnight for anything since school started! so she's been super excited the whole time and loved my aunt's small and quaint house.
instead of sleeping in like i pretty much deserve, we woke up at....7 i think to get ready for a big 5k food drive race down in Draper. we met up w/ my cousins so ali got to meet them all (5 cousins, plus three spouses--we're chuck full of newlyweds!) it was pretty cold, plus rainy, so i wore layers! double pants, shirts and hoodies--good thing no double socks! i was warm, though; if only my glasses didn't fog up! i basically ran/walked in intervals. run a little; walk a little. i thought it would take me forever, but it took me roughly 45 min. to complete! that just happens to be good for me--i suck thoroughly at running! we came home, showered, napped, and i did some research for my job; i'm a research assistant now for one of my religion professors. we then went and stuffed our faces w/ food at my cousins' house. it was super fun and we took many pictures! we disected the newspaper and studied all the black friday sales to see what we were interested in waking up early for.
and boy did we wake up early! 4:45am early!!
we met up w/ gilly (cousin) and mandy (cousins' wife) and drove and shopped at the following places:
Smith's Marketplace,
Circuit City
Old Navy
Barnes and Noble
Kohl's
Bath & Body Works
Michaels'
Deseret Book
we shopped for a total of 6.5 HOURS. i had a blast. waking up wasn't fun (i went to bed late!) and waiting in line was a pain, but i got ahead on christmas shopping for my family--i just need something to send to travis...but what to send? it's sort of a dilhema. lol i barely got anything for myself and i spent my money wisely--i spent a grand total of $43 today! there was a LOT of good deals, but i didn't want to buy stuff i didn't need--just things for me family. if i bought everything i like, i wouldn't have money for groceries!! :)
*sigh* christmas has REALLY snuck up on me. doesn't it seem like summer was only last week?? maybe i'm too busy w/ school to really notice. but i love the christmas atmosphere! it's truly magical...except angry women waiting in line to pay. that's not magical. it's torture, really. but besides that!!
i bought a small wreath today at Michaels' for $2.50 and some ribbon *yay* to start up our christmas decorating! *sing song voice* it was a major steal and ali was like "it's so cute you HAVE to get it!" seeing how it was one of the last stops before lunch and she had spent $60--but i don't think she got anything for herself; a lot for her bf because he's about to go on his mission and his birthday is this weekend.
yeah. there were so many christmas decorations--i don't know how i avoided buying it all! i really want our apartment to look super festive this year. :)
so i still feel stuffed. i can't help but think i'm almost at the 1/4 mark of travis' mission....but who's counting? :/
my holiday technically started on tuesday, at approx. 10am because that's when i was home and done w/ school! normally tuesday is a busy day for me because i have homework, a physical science lab (an abomination, if you ask me) and break dance club in the afternoon/evening. but i had the whole day to talk to my brothers and mom on skype--the dew of the gods.
on wednesday ali (my roomate and i) had the whole apartment to ourselves for much of the day; we cleaned up the dishes, kitchen, our bedrooms, ect. so the apartment looked really nice and clean! *sigh* i wonder how long THAT'LL last. we just did practical things like take out the trash so our apartment wouldn't schtink up. *gag* my aunt drove down from West Jordan to pick us up (we were lugging laundry!) and we went to a restaurant only in provo called Brick Oven. it was most excellent. :P
we arrived kinda late at night; it sure felt late because it gets so dark so early now, but it was nice being out of the apartment. well, i needed a break, but ali hasn't left the apartment overnight for anything since school started! so she's been super excited the whole time and loved my aunt's small and quaint house.
instead of sleeping in like i pretty much deserve, we woke up at....7 i think to get ready for a big 5k food drive race down in Draper. we met up w/ my cousins so ali got to meet them all (5 cousins, plus three spouses--we're chuck full of newlyweds!) it was pretty cold, plus rainy, so i wore layers! double pants, shirts and hoodies--good thing no double socks! i was warm, though; if only my glasses didn't fog up! i basically ran/walked in intervals. run a little; walk a little. i thought it would take me forever, but it took me roughly 45 min. to complete! that just happens to be good for me--i suck thoroughly at running! we came home, showered, napped, and i did some research for my job; i'm a research assistant now for one of my religion professors. we then went and stuffed our faces w/ food at my cousins' house. it was super fun and we took many pictures! we disected the newspaper and studied all the black friday sales to see what we were interested in waking up early for.
and boy did we wake up early! 4:45am early!!
we met up w/ gilly (cousin) and mandy (cousins' wife) and drove and shopped at the following places:
Smith's Marketplace,
Circuit City
Old Navy
Barnes and Noble
Kohl's
Bath & Body Works
Michaels'
Deseret Book
we shopped for a total of 6.5 HOURS. i had a blast. waking up wasn't fun (i went to bed late!) and waiting in line was a pain, but i got ahead on christmas shopping for my family--i just need something to send to travis...but what to send? it's sort of a dilhema. lol i barely got anything for myself and i spent my money wisely--i spent a grand total of $43 today! there was a LOT of good deals, but i didn't want to buy stuff i didn't need--just things for me family. if i bought everything i like, i wouldn't have money for groceries!! :)
*sigh* christmas has REALLY snuck up on me. doesn't it seem like summer was only last week?? maybe i'm too busy w/ school to really notice. but i love the christmas atmosphere! it's truly magical...except angry women waiting in line to pay. that's not magical. it's torture, really. but besides that!!
i bought a small wreath today at Michaels' for $2.50 and some ribbon *yay* to start up our christmas decorating! *sing song voice* it was a major steal and ali was like "it's so cute you HAVE to get it!" seeing how it was one of the last stops before lunch and she had spent $60--but i don't think she got anything for herself; a lot for her bf because he's about to go on his mission and his birthday is this weekend.
yeah. there were so many christmas decorations--i don't know how i avoided buying it all! i really want our apartment to look super festive this year. :)
so i still feel stuffed. i can't help but think i'm almost at the 1/4 mark of travis' mission....but who's counting? :/
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
